I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
