i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
