My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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