you guys were way drunker than both of me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
