so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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