Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
