Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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