dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
