jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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