Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
