i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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