Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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