where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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