he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
