My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
