its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
