Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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