Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize