And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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