Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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