My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
