Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
