you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
