Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
