Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
