it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
