You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
