get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did you pee in the oven last night??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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