Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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