Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
