I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
