I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
