The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
