I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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