Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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