maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize