So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
