Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
