Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
