I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
