Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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