I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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