He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
