Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize