I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
