hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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