I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
