the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize