Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
