I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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