I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
