either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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