I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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