i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
