he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
