i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
