How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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