One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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