What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
