Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
