Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
