dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize