Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
