highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
