Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize