the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
