Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Swine flu. Run for my life!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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