You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
