You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
