Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
