That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
