My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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