Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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